penang..

i love being back in penang.. after more than 1 week break that i took the week before

why i love being back in penang? becoz i have a place where i call home

what is home? my simple 3 bedrooms apartment/flat at bayan lepas..

why i call it home? becoz.. the place where i feel a sense of belonging..

however..

everytime i come back here.. i feel so lonely..

i feel totally alone.. sometimes when i'm here especially during the weekend.. i do not speak to anybody at all..

do i have friends in here? yes.. i have, but they are just friends from work.. and recalling friends from work.. meaning they are professionals-highly professional peoples, most of them are high class people with high class taste.. wearing branded thingy-magic.. which are really different from me.. i am just a simple person.. i wear pasar malam RM10 selipar everywhere.. sometimes i do buy something expensive.. like my RM465 carlo rino handbag.. but after that aku menyesal tak sudah.. what a waste sbb aku bukan jenis yg suka tukar2 henbag.. So..susah aku nak really get along dgn my work colleagues.. sikit2 boleh la..


hmm.. aku bukan tak nak berkawan tp aku sebenarnya tak suka sgt nak pergi rumah orang. aku prefer duduk di rumah sendiri.. kalau ada jemputan tu lainlah.. tapi kalau setakat nak jalan2 tanpa tujuan.. mmg aku takkan pergi.. kalau berjalan ke shopping kompleks tu.. mmg aku tak keberatan.. sorang2 pun tak pe... huhu..


anyway.. this is my life... buat masa ni memang agak tidak teratur.. aku baru nak sesuaikan diri dengan kerja baru ku.. dengan pelajar2 ku... dengan kehidupan di penang.. dengan kehidupan di malaysia.. dan banyak perkara yg terpaksa aku hadapi dalam perjalanan ini.. aku cuba sedaya upaya ku utk tidak bergantung dengan sesiapa.. aku cuba menghadapi kesunyian ini.. because i know this is my life now.. jalan yg aku pilih utk diriku..


hmmm... malam ini aku rasa amat lonely.. tapi nak buat macam mana.. letih mengadap pc nanti aku tidur... esok pagi aku bangun.. mengadap pc lagi.. hari ni.. dengan siapa aku bercakap yer? oh.. dengan seseorang dalam lift time nak naik ke rumah tadi... utk ucapkan terima kasih sbb tekan kan no. 4 time dlm lift td...


mel
~learning and accepting my fate..